Moth to a Flame

Innocence lost
Like a moth to a flame
I burn, you yearn
And try to disclaim

Boundaries crossed
With naught but a line
This beast, unleashed
Pours fire for wine

Drunk on desire
Addicting, this mix
My dose, come close
For you are my fix

Tiptoe, high-wire
The fall will be hard
Too late, it’s fate
We’ve let down our guard

May you find what you claim you are not looking for;
Emotion is a good look on you, tho sadly seldom worn.
Render yourself vulnerable once more just for the hell of it,
Love like you've never been hurt, tho I know too well you have.
I sincerely pray the one whose unlucky star falls into your path
Never will have her heart feel the painful imprints of your tread.

Angel

A's for amazing
Cuz that's what you are
N is for naughty,
And sometimes bizarre
G's for gregarious
You're always such fun
E's for exciting
In more ways than one
L is for lovable
In every way
And that makes an Angel
Whose birthday's today

If You Would Not Have Asked

If You would not have asked of me
My sacred-spaces,
I would never have known the joy
Of losing fear of losing
That which I thought vital to my happiness,
And gaining acceptance in yielding.

If You would not have asked of me
My fears,
I would never have known the joy
Of finally choosing to jump
Into this ocean of experience,
And learning to love the water.

If You would not have asked of me
My music,
I would never have known the joy
Of perfect silence, yet perfect song;
Hearing Your voice singing and not my own,
And realizing Yours is all I wish to hear.

If You would not have asked of me
My tears,
I would never have known the joy
Of having Your hand dry my eyes,
Knowing You’ve gathered every one
And are now making rainbows of the rivers.

If You would not have asked of me
My beloved,
I would never have known the joy
Of finding You were enough
To mend and fill that exquisite aching,
And make the scars to radiate Your touch

If You would not have asked of me
My world,
I would never have known the joy
Of finding new horizons,
And realizing the colors here are more brilliant
When reflected in my teardrops.

You May Go

Air clammy with the salty wind
November’s chill
Your arms enveloping me,
Body shielding me
My head buried in your chest
Listening, waiting
Wishing the sound of your heartbeat
Would spill secrets
That have continued to elude my perception
Of this ambiguous being
Called you

Still feeling the imprints of your tread
On this now crushed soul
Body shaking with suppressed emotion
Waiting to be released
Knowing that this was the final call
Curtain had closed
Your bow had been taken with flourish
Audience appeased
And all you waited for was my applause
So you could take your leave
Guiltlessly

So here’s what you’ve waited for
I applaud
While secretly hating myself
For my inevitable approval
Of something so predictably cruel

You may go

Before...

Before I met you
I dreamed you
Before I knew you
I kissed you
Before I held you
I understood you
Before I felt you
I missed you
Before I loved you
You walked away.

I Don't Know How

I don’t know how to love you
And I don’t know how to miss you
I don’t know how to tell you
All I want is just to kiss you

I don’t know how to hate you
And I don’t know how to read you
I don’t know how to keep you
All I know is that I need you

I don’t know how to fix you
And I don’t know how to save you
I don’t know how to hold you
All I know is that I crave you

Unsent

Dearest................

I know I am damaged
A dark thing, low in my expectations
And with much that is unlovable

But you should know that when I see you
All I want to do is smile
Nothing else makes me happier
From the most simplistic sense
To the most complex
You are the secret joy
That wears itself on my face
Not allowing me to contain
The pure happiness I have
At just being near you

Love is impossible to embody in mere words
I cannot even say if love has yet found a role
In this present feeling
But know that at this moment
I feel you
Deeply, painfully, joyously, melancholically, sadly and happily
At the same time

You are my soul’s contradiction
And one that I welcome
I thank you for conflicting my carnal mind
With my emotions
I’ve been waiting for years
For the one who could manage that
You have, beautifully
I’m a mess thanks to you
And I love every single second of it

Love,
......................

That Fateful Night

And so it was that fateful night
When we locked eyes
And you began the journey into my head
And eventually into my heart
That never did I for one moment think
That the one I turned to to wipe my tears
Would become the reason for them

And so it was that fateful night
When I stripped my soul naked
And you began the journey I had forseen
Down the road of games and eventually denial
That never did I for one moment think
That the rules I had carefully created
Would be the ones I gladly broke for you

And so it is this fateful night
When I have closed our book
And I begin this journey back to a safer place
A place where I can mend and heal
That never did I for one moment think
That the magic we created and believed to be real
Would turn out to be the age old illusion

But I thank you for that fateful night regardless

So near...Too far

So near I could touch
Too far I can’t reach
The fates have conspired
This wall I can’t breach

So close I can taste
Too far to dare drink
For one sip would push me
Right over the brink

So near I can hear
Too far I can’t speak
For words misconstrued
Make passion sound weak

So close I can see
Too far to recall
The face and the smile
That caused me to fall

So near I could weep
Too far I can’t stop
I’m stuck in this chasm
You wait at the top

Amen

I hurt
Please be the kiss to make it better
I ache
Please be the balm to soothe this painful heart
I weep
Please be the vase to catch my tears
I break
Please be the hand to pick up the pieces
I bleed
Please be the bandage to close this wound

I yield...
Please please...make something from this broken life

For Marie

You will be missed
A gift that fleetingly danced across the pages of my life
Flawed, yet so beautiful in your imperfection
Yours is a heart that has been wrung
A life that has been crushed
A spirit that has not been broken

You will be missed
A soul that understood a damaged, world weary stranger
Accepted what others had found hard to love
Yours is a heart gifted in loving
A life that has painted a rainbow
A spirit that has lightened the grey

You will be missed
An artist that colored the world beautiful with your presence
A sensitive soul, yet resilient and strong
Yours is a heart that will be in mine
A life that has touched me indelibly
A spirit that these tears are now shed for

I watched you tonight
Subtle nuances that I missed previously...due to my own inability to decipher what was going on in your mind
You played that game exceptionally well...although I feel you never knew it was a game
So I blame you for nothing
Only myself for my hesitancy in believing that you could love me the way it turns out you actually did.
I see it now
Bittersweet in this revealing... It has taught me more than you could know
I am stronger because of it
Thank you

Sometimes things in life are better not knowing and understanding clearly, as definition takes away the excitement of the unknown.

The what ifs can kill
The unfinished sentences
The unspoken thoughts
The unheld hands
The unkissed lips
The uncompleted moments
Will haunt you
Endlessly


Seize the moment

I will be...

I will be far
Remember me
In the caverns of your mind
On those long lonely nights
When my body craves
The security it found
In the hollow of your arms

I will be there
Nay, not in flesh
But in the whisper of the wind
The fleeting memories
The faint scents
That will haunt you
When you least expect it

I will be near
If you should find
That perhaps this un-named feeling
Decides to define itself
In the hidden recesses
Of your beautifully blind heart
That was once so loved.

The One That Got Away

Thank you
You took me by complete surprise
You were the last thing I thot I'd find
You were the mist that fell unexpectedly
You took the night so very ordinary
And transformed it into beautiful

Thank you
You were the secret smile constantly worn
You were the reason for my abandonment
You took me out of my carefully constructed shell
And made me dance like a child

Thank you
You were the motive behind my manic-ness
You were the underlying energy in my tired heart
You were the unformed song that waited to be played
And you were the muse that authored it

Thank you
You were the first tear that wet this cheek
You were the last kiss I wished to share
You were the image I branded that final night
You were the hand I still feel holding mine
And the one that got away

Goodbye

I cried
You had no idea
I concede
It's better this way

I tried
To fake indifference
You believed
I alone now face reality

I lied
And said "here's closure"
You flowed
As tears coursed down my turned cheek

I died
As you touched my very core
I wondered
If you even knew I wept

I hide
This scar you've left on my soul
I pray
I'll forget you soon....please



I do love you...... and goodbye

So forgive me if I stare
I'm trying to brand your face
On a heart that is silently pleading
Forget me not

By You....

One foot on my heart
And one out the door
I waited to be trampled
by you

Not caring about the consequences
Of this inevitable heartbreak
I waited to be torn
by you

I wondered if you realized
What exactly you were standing on
Pandoras box ready to be opened
by you

I resolved to move your footstool
To a safer place of refuge
Away from pain anticipated
by you

But instead your feet went walking
Out of the here said door
Crushing what was left behind
by you

For Pandora's box has opened,
Reality's slapped me in the face......
And I'm crazy, but I love you anyway

The Anti-Valentine

Second month and fourteenth day
Has reared it's dubious head,
A special day for lovers
And one that singles dread.
But this time I will not succumb
Nor walk the party line,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine.

This year I'll make me breakfast
And savor it in bed;
Have whipped cream with my coffee
And toasted raisin bread.
Instead of buying roses
I'll pick a leaf or vine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

I'll make myself a heart shaped card
And write a sappy poem
Of "how I'm loved and in my arms
A heart has found it's home".
I'll dance a slow dance all alone
While I sip sparkling wine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

I'll buy myself a negligee
And wear it for my mirror,
And thank God I don't have to care
How I look from the rear.
I'll wear those fishnets and a thong
For no one's eyes but mine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

If you think me pathetic
I can't say that I care,
I'd rather smile and celebrate
Than sink into despair.
As for someone to hold tonight,
My pillows do just fine.
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

If I Were a Painter...

If I were a painter….

Red for the passion you splashed across the pages of my life
Black for the moments our pride got the better of us
Yellow for the stars I gave you for making me smile
Green for the tranquil security there was in your arms
Brown for your eyes that indelibly marked this heart
Blue for the river my tears have now created
Grey for the tinge that presently shades life in it’s entirety
White for this here stark canvas now that you’re gone

Crashed

We loved
We laughed
And then we crashed
We grew
We lived
And then we crashed
We meshed
We danced
And then we crashed

For those few stolen hours
Our senses imbibed
We were as one with passion
It was our lifeblood
Through our veins flowed euphoria
A drug so heady
Overwhelming senses and sense
And then we crashed

But I choose to believe
The journey was worth
The crash

I saw the ending chapter
Before the first page turned
A love affair's conclusion
A soul and spirit burned

Prediction of a heartache
The writing on the wall
An omen so ill-fated
A warning not to fall

Desire knows no caution
Love's mind no man can shape
How art the mighty fallen
Embraced in passion's cape

When the hand of destiny
Ordained me as your fate
Don't think I took it lightly
The weight on me was great

To be the poison in your blood
And then the only cure
Is not a thought I relish
Your pain holds no allure

For sadly from the starting page
We were not meant to be
And the last thing that I wanted
Was for you to fall for me.

Before My Birth

The Master called
Saying, My child,
It is time

I do not promise you an easy way,
Your road will not be paved in gold.
Great beauty, fame and talent
May forever be just out of your reach.
Applause and recognition
Are guaranteed to be scarce.

But I do pledge to give you
A heart capable of loving
As deeply as is possible to man,
The gifts of devotion and loyalty
To the friends I place in your life.
A family that will love you
Always, unconditionally
A craving that only One
Will be able to fill completely
And the means to find that One

So I said yes

I Thank You But I Don't:

I thank you for knocking the hero out of my sky
But not for making me believe he never even existed

For helping to break the dam that had held back my tears
But not for being the cause of the reservoir drying up

For gently removing my ever present rose-tinted glasses
But not for taking the color out of my life

For making me open my eyes when I wished to keep them shut
But not for the lack of explanation of what I saw when I opened them

For disabusing me of the notion that love is all hearts and flowers
But not for never giving me either -- not even once

For helping me grow and become the woman that I now am
But not for stealing my childish dreams and simplicity

For teaching me that true love is the most beautiful thing in the world
But not for being my tutor in hurt and cause of this exquisite pain

This Old Hat....

This old hat….
So well worn
Vintage piece
Mended, torn
Once so loved
Though on loan
Second skin
Comfort zone
History filled
Daily kissed
Lost awhile
Greatly missed
Found again
In altered state
Fit now skewed
Feel still great
Enough’s enough
Friends advise
But I am useless
At goodbyes

You were an enigma
A nameless soul I had already named
Drawn conclusions
Based on surface elements
Boxing you neatly into the corner
I had labeled "undesirable"

Then....reality
You are beautiful
You are unattainable
You catch my eye
And all I long for is
To drown in your fleeting gaze
Preconceived notions left silently behind
As I marvel now in the beauty that is you

Did you think it possible
To haunt every waking moment
Every thought, wish and memory
Like you now haunt mine?
The way your lips felt..
Nothing but the two of us
In a moment when we
Were as naked as a soul allows

I am reeling
I am drowning
(Now would be a good time for my grounded/down to earth side to kick in)

You know who you are....

Delicate balance
Assumed to be steady
Upset all at once;
My heart so unready
To lose all sensation
Of ground once beneath me,
And find myself lost,
Unstable completely

When we made an end
And closure was reached
I built up my walls
That somehow you breached.
Ever so slowly
A haven was made
To shelter my soul
Left shy and afraid

But now you appear
Again in my life
Upsetting defenses,
Emotions run rife,
Places held sacred
You’ve now become part;
Confused by this feeling
Reborn in my heart

Forgive me dear love
I’m wary, I know
Afraid of more heartbreak,
Afraid to let go
It may take some time
For fears all to flee
Just one thing I ask --
Don’t give up on me.

To that tree....

Tree so grand
My senses fill
Your strength is in
Just standing still.

And letting breeze
Run through your limbs,
So pliable
To nature's whims.

You awe the eyes
And stir the soul,
Yet mere applause
Is not your goal.

Instead you serve
To humble me,
And make me wish
To be like thee.

Unexplainable Attraction

He was wrong
He was beautiful
He was dangerous
He was captivating
He was not my ideal
As I was not his
But...he made my
Heart pound
Palms sweat
Blood rush
Dreams sweet
Days happy
Nights endless

This eternal tale
Of an unexplainable
Attraction

Undemanding Demands

I do not ask for much
Demand your constant presence,
Adoration, flattery,
Compliments
Continual romancing
I won't make you
Listen to my diatribes
And pretend you think
I'm the most intelligent, insightful
fascinating woman
You know

I won't ask you to

Worship the ground I walk on,

Dream soley of me

Give me baubles and flowers

And name me queen of your heart

For the day --

Or a lifetime

But I do ask
For your shoulder
To rest my head on
When the world wearies me
An occasional word
To let me know
I am remembered
Your eyes
to spare a glance or two
in my direction
To be held by you
When my soul craves
A physical touch
Your lips....
Your hands.....
And maybe just
A little piece of your heart

A letter that will never be sent

Dear......
It's funny how easily we now talk, laugh, joke
Effortlessly and skillfully
Steering away from anything that could possibly open
This Pandora's box that we're both sitting on.
It's funny how many things I hear
Unspoken by the both of us
Floating in the air around me
It's funny that your insight and perception now
Is sharper more piercing,
And that now you "get" me
The way I always wished you would've.
It's funny how now that you're gone
You've managed to finally extract from me
Those words I'd always refused to say
And stranger still that some part of me still means them.

Love,
...........

Dare You....

Could you love me?
Damaged goods,
Cynical heart,
Misunderstood

Mistrusting mind
Queen of denial
Pent up passion
Sorrowful smile

Dying to fall
Afraid to leap
Longing to cry,
But scared to weep

Inherently flawed
This heart, for free
Dare you fall
In love with me?

Speak to me
Why this silence
Say
Something
Anything
Trivialities
I need reassurance
That I haven’t imagined
You
Your gaze
Your passion
Silence still
If I scream
Would you hear
Or are you done with
Me
My life
My intensity
Just one word
Or is that too
Demanding
Unreasonable
Needy
Expecting too much
Of one so loved as you
Silence is louder now
Do you hear it?
Thick
Oppressing
Tangible
Or am I only imagining
Your disinterest

What the hell…I’m on invisible

I Can....

I can kiss your head
Let you hold my hand
Stroke your fevered brow
But I cannot take your pain away

I can shed tears with you
Wish I could dry all yours
Or even cry them in your place
But that won't take your pain away

I can hold you like a baby
Let my love be your blanket
As my arm is wet with your weeping
But I'm helpless to take your pain away

I can let you talk
Not minding that what you say
I don't understand at all
But how will that take your pain away?


All I can do now is pray

Simplistic Reasonings

It only takes a single second
For your world to tumble around you,
Your castles to crumble,
Your dreams to collapse,
Your equilibrium to be irreparably shaken

It only takes a single breath
To make you choke,
Sink to the bottom,
Lose existance in a watery grave,
When you're living underwater

It only takes a single cut
To wound so very deeply
That healing takes a lifetime,
Sometimes an eternity,
When the knife is held by a friend

It only takes a single line
For sanity to be abandoned,
Common sense declared void,
Obsession to overwhelm,
As you blindly jump off the deep end

It only takes a single look
Etched permanently on your heart
Causing skipped heartbeats,
Hidden smiles, simple euphoria
Secrets too sweet to be shared

It only takes a single kiss
For any question to be erased,
Any doubt or what ifs
To be buried in magic
When two souls collide

To belittle the seemingly insignificant second,
Breath, cut, line, look or kiss
Is the ultimate folly
These are the moments that shape our lives.

Most Loved Thief

Most loved thief
O you who stole my heart
I pray thee release
And I'll gladly depart

Most loved thief
O you who stole my soul
And made it your playground
I plead return it in whole

Most loved thief
O you who stole my peace
And churned up the waters
I beg now for surcease

Most loved thief
O you who stole my being
I long so to stay
But now must be fleeing

My most loved thief
Stealer of hearts
Please kiss me and run
Before my weeping starts

A single soul
This misty night
Is standing still
In the moonlight
With praying hands
And weeping face
As silent grief
Fills up this place
The air is thick
With flowers scent
Terribly sad
Train accident
Newest angel
Littlest ghost
Be here for those
Who miss you most

The Soul Exposed

Twisted maze,
I am lost in my head--
Or in yours.
Pages of mental dialogue
Directed at you,
Yet helpless to say
A single phrase
when you are near.
Feverish anticipation,
Constant waiting,
Watching,wondering,
Waking at all hours of the night --
The adrenaline rush
Of knowing I'm not forgotten.
Waning interest in things once cherished,
Instead content to sit in solitude
Smiling to myself
At just the thot of you.
My shadow by day,
Sillouette by night
The vulnerability of a soul exposed

If I could give you a star for every time you made me smile.....
You would own the milky way
--N.R.

My Epiphany

Wouldn't it be wonderful to lose control
Just because

To run naked through the streets in the pouring rain
To dance in the puddles a long buried dance
That my childish heart once created
And feel no shame for my lack of talent or beauty

To shout your name and words unutterable from my rooftop
And bear no fear of the consequences or of rejection

To jump off this merry-go-round that is my life
And not give a moment's thought as to whether
I'll still be standing when I touch down

To let go of my tightly clenched fists
And relish the feeling of complete release;
The wind running through my fingers...
And not give a damn as to whether
What I thought I had been holding would ever be returned to me

To dip my toes into the ocean of experience
And for once decide to dive in -- fully clothed
Enjoying the sensation without struggling to stay afloat.

To let myself unabashedly weep in front of you
Not being ashamed of letting you see my softer side

To say exactly what is written in my heart
Without proof-reading first for what could be construed....
And not replay what's been said or kick myself
For my honesty and lack of eloquence

Wouldn't it be wonderful to lose control.....just because I can

Nothing Left to Say....

Colors have faded
Scents are less heady
Shadows more gloomy
Footsteps unsteady
Tears are no effort
Laughter synthetic
Unable to ponder
Yet strangely poetic
Thunder is louder
Weather seems colder
Feeling I've aged
But haven't grown older

With self diagnosis
The conclusion I drew
My overwhelmed heart
Must be missing you

You are the paint
On my canvass of white
The vague silhouette
That I sleep with at night

You....

You intrigue me
Endlessly
Frustratingly
Inexplicably
Confusingly
You move me
Deeply
Frighteningly
Intensely
Disturbingly
You get me
Clearly
Understandingly
Intimately
Completely
So why am I so scared

Gardenias

Do you remember that night
Not so long ago
When twilight had fallen
And the scent of gardenias
Was heady in the evening air
How we sat there, you and I
Saying nothing but understanding
Everything that the other was thinking
How I held my breath
And prayed that this moment would stay with me
Long after you had gone
To wherever it was you were going
How I memorized every minute detail
The pressure of your hand
Your profile in the moonlight
The feeling of my head resting on your shoulder
The nearness of you
Knowing that this was the finale
Last dance had been played
The song had come to it's crescendo
It was time to pay the fiddler

(Maybe this explains why
The scent of gardenias
Now makes me cry)

With This Tear

With this tear
I close the door
To memories of thee
In times before

With this tear
My heart doth bleed
For want of thee
An aching need

With this tear
Our past is sealed
It shall not be relived
Or to any soul revealed

But with this tear
From the heart of me
I'll live my life
In want of thee

I Might Have Stayed

If you would have fought
to keep me with you
For even a moment longer
than you did
I might have stayed

If you would have made
that one last phone call,
Written that letter,
Or merely asked
I might have stayed

If you would have let me
Have a taste of life
On my own
Even for a day
I might have stayed

But you didn't
And I wish you had

Information Overload

Eyes wide shut in jaded dance
My brain is but a fogged expanse
Of sight and sound without much sense
What I have found at calm's expense
So out of mind I fly away
And leave behind in shaded grey
Confusion rife at every turn
This thing called life I've come to spurn

I miss you
Does it frighten you to see such naked emotion
Displayed by the one you accused of having no heart
I miss you
Does it surprise you to know that I haven't let myself
Forget even the smallest details of your body and face
I miss you
Does it worry you to see my usual self-possessed exterior
Reduced to a heap of uncontrolled emotions and tearful reminiscing
I miss you
But heaven forbid you worry your pretty little head over me
I'll be calm, cool and collected…..in a minute.

I thot you knew

A silent plea
Still you depart
As lovers often do
Away from me
My lonely heart
Still wonders if you knew

A longing glance
A fleeting touch
A stolen kiss from you
My heart did chance
For more than such
Because I thought you knew

An aching tear
As you would sleep
And I'd sit watching you
You did not hear
My heart did weep
Yet still I thought you knew

And now you go
It finally dawns
A moment late or two
A bit too slow
My heart responds
Because I thought you knew