The Museum

Welcome to this place,
Also known as my heart.
Stay awhile and have a walkabout,
A look around as you
Psychoanalyze what you see --
Do let me know your conclusions.
(That is, if you come to any)

Look, but don’t touch.
If you break it you bought it.
Keepsakes will cost you and
Trophies are not for sale.
Don’t bother to ask why --
You probably won’t be told
(Tho, exceptions aren’t unheard of)

I see your secret satisfaction,
Thinking you’ve actually stumbled
Upon a treasure hitherto unnoticed;
Though in my mind I see no such thing,
Rather only a broken piece --
A long forgotten fragment
(From a time when I actually cared)

Stealing souvenirs will not be tolerated.
As stated before, what’s in here stays here;
And no, I’m afraid you can’t move in
No matter how much you like the view.
Room only for one, and that spot’s long been taken --
So enjoy the tour, and do leave your feedback
(So I can know what not to do next time)

As you’ve noticed, admission is free,
Though donations are appreciated.
Call it charity or what have you, I don’t mind.
The guest book is in the corner
If you’d like to tickle my ears with trivialities --
Something to make me smile.
(And feel like maybe I was worth your time)

Thanks for stopping by,
I hope you enjoyed your visit.
Visiting hours are limited,
So be sure to call to see if I’m open.
Thank you and goodnight.

A reflective moment.....bear with me

Learn to accept that I will never be the person I thought I would become and try to love myself anyway.
Learn to wear that smile bravely when inside my world is shattered and I feel that going on is an exercise in futility.
Learn to cry and be grateful for the tears, knowing there is no shame in weeping, rather than slipping into my comfort zone of denial.
Learn to realize that I am much less important than I like to think, and yes, they really don’t care, so stop trying so hard.
Learn to appreciate that though I may not be loved by one I am dear to many.
Learn to stop, look around, take in that smile, see the beauty in the small things and memorize moments, for soon that may be all I have left.
Learn to love when I feel I have nothing left to love with inside me, and in turn learn to be loved even when I feel unworthy of it.
Learn to embrace my flaws, accept my quirks and appreciate uniqueness in others, rather than attempting to change them.
Learn to move on, close doors to the past and kiss you goodbye for good, when all I want to do is stay in this dream of us.
Learn to listen with my heart and not just my ears.
Learn that, yes, life isn’t perfect and fair, but that’s life and complaining won’t change a thing.
Learn to trust that though I may be terminally flawed, I’m not beyond hope of loving.

Amen

Moth to a Flame

Innocence lost
Like a moth to a flame
I burn, you yearn
And try to disclaim

Boundaries crossed
With naught but a line
This beast, unleashed
Pours fire for wine

Drunk on desire
Addicting, this mix
My dose, come close
For you are my fix

Tiptoe, high-wire
The fall will be hard
Too late, it’s fate
We’ve let down our guard

If You Would Not Have Asked

If You would not have asked of me
My sacred-spaces,
I would never have known the joy
Of losing fear of losing
That which I thought vital to my happiness,
And gaining acceptance in yielding.

If You would not have asked of me
My fears,
I would never have known the joy
Of finally choosing to jump
Into this ocean of experience,
And learning to love the water.

If You would not have asked of me
My music,
I would never have known the joy
Of perfect silence, yet perfect song;
Hearing Your voice singing and not my own,
And realizing Yours is all I wish to hear.

If You would not have asked of me
My tears,
I would never have known the joy
Of having Your hand dry my eyes,
Knowing You’ve gathered every one
And are now making rainbows of the rivers.

If You would not have asked of me
My beloved,
I would never have known the joy
Of finding You were enough
To mend and fill that exquisite aching,
And make the scars to radiate Your touch

If You would not have asked of me
My world,
I would never have known the joy
Of finding new horizons,
And realizing the colors here are more brilliant
When reflected in my teardrops.

Amen

I hurt
Please be the kiss to make it better
I ache
Please be the balm to soothe this painful heart
I weep
Please be the vase to catch my tears
I break
Please be the hand to pick up the pieces
I bleed
Please be the bandage to close this wound

I yield...
Please please...make something from this broken life

I will be...

I will be far
Remember me
In the caverns of your mind
On those long lonely nights
When my body craves
The security it found
In the hollow of your arms

I will be there
Nay, not in flesh
But in the whisper of the wind
The fleeting memories
The faint scents
That will haunt you
When you least expect it

I will be near
If you should find
That perhaps this un-named feeling
Decides to define itself
In the hidden recesses
Of your beautifully blind heart
That was once so loved.

Goodbye

I cried
You had no idea
I concede
It's better this way

I tried
To fake indifference
You believed
I alone now face reality

I lied
And said "here's closure"
You flowed
As tears coursed down my turned cheek

I died
As you touched my very core
I wondered
If you even knew I wept

I hide
This scar you've left on my soul
I pray
I'll forget you soon....please



I do love you...... and goodbye

By You....

One foot on my heart
And one out the door
I waited to be trampled
by you

Not caring about the consequences
Of this inevitable heartbreak
I waited to be torn
by you

I wondered if you realized
What exactly you were standing on
Pandoras box ready to be opened
by you

I resolved to move your footstool
To a safer place of refuge
Away from pain anticipated
by you

But instead your feet went walking
Out of the here said door
Crushing what was left behind
by you

For Pandora's box has opened,
Reality's slapped me in the face......
And I'm crazy, but I love you anyway

The Anti-Valentine

Second month and fourteenth day
Has reared it's dubious head,
A special day for lovers
And one that singles dread.
But this time I will not succumb
Nor walk the party line,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine.

This year I'll make me breakfast
And savor it in bed;
Have whipped cream with my coffee
And toasted raisin bread.
Instead of buying roses
I'll pick a leaf or vine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

I'll make myself a heart shaped card
And write a sappy poem
Of "how I'm loved and in my arms
A heart has found it's home".
I'll dance a slow dance all alone
While I sip sparkling wine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

I'll buy myself a negligee
And wear it for my mirror,
And thank God I don't have to care
How I look from the rear.
I'll wear those fishnets and a thong
For no one's eyes but mine,
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

If you think me pathetic
I can't say that I care,
I'd rather smile and celebrate
Than sink into despair.
As for someone to hold tonight,
My pillows do just fine.
I'm chocolate's biggest nightmare --
The anti-Valentine

If I Were a Painter...

If I were a painter….

Red for the passion you splashed across the pages of my life
Black for the moments our pride got the better of us
Yellow for the stars I gave you for making me smile
Green for the tranquil security there was in your arms
Brown for your eyes that indelibly marked this heart
Blue for the river my tears have now created
Grey for the tinge that presently shades life in it’s entirety
White for this here stark canvas now that you’re gone

I saw the ending chapter
Before the first page turned
A love affair's conclusion
A soul and spirit burned

Prediction of a heartache
The writing on the wall
An omen so ill-fated
A warning not to fall

Desire knows no caution
Love's mind no man can shape
How art the mighty fallen
Embraced in passion's cape

When the hand of destiny
Ordained me as your fate
Don't think I took it lightly
The weight on me was great

To be the poison in your blood
And then the only cure
Is not a thought I relish
Your pain holds no allure

For sadly from the starting page
We were not meant to be
And the last thing that I wanted
Was for you to fall for me.

I Thank You But I Don't:

I thank you for knocking the hero out of my sky
But not for making me believe he never even existed

For helping to break the dam that had held back my tears
But not for being the cause of the reservoir drying up

For gently removing my ever present rose-tinted glasses
But not for taking the color out of my life

For making me open my eyes when I wished to keep them shut
But not for the lack of explanation of what I saw when I opened them

For disabusing me of the notion that love is all hearts and flowers
But not for never giving me either -- not even once

For helping me grow and become the woman that I now am
But not for stealing my childish dreams and simplicity

For teaching me that true love is the most beautiful thing in the world
But not for being my tutor in hurt and cause of this exquisite pain

This Old Hat....

This old hat….
So well worn
Vintage piece
Mended, torn
Once so loved
Though on loan
Second skin
Comfort zone
History filled
Daily kissed
Lost awhile
Greatly missed
Found again
In altered state
Fit now skewed
Feel still great
Enough’s enough
Friends advise
But I am useless
At goodbyes

Undemanding Demands

I do not ask for much
Demand your constant presence,
Adoration, flattery,
Compliments
Continual romancing
I won't make you
Listen to my diatribes
And pretend you think
I'm the most intelligent, insightful
fascinating woman
You know

I won't ask you to

Worship the ground I walk on,

Dream soley of me

Give me baubles and flowers

And name me queen of your heart

For the day --

Or a lifetime

But I do ask
For your shoulder
To rest my head on
When the world wearies me
An occasional word
To let me know
I am remembered
Your eyes
to spare a glance or two
in my direction
To be held by you
When my soul craves
A physical touch
Your lips....
Your hands.....
And maybe just
A little piece of your heart

Speak to me
Why this silence
Say
Something
Anything
Trivialities
I need reassurance
That I haven’t imagined
You
Your gaze
Your passion
Silence still
If I scream
Would you hear
Or are you done with
Me
My life
My intensity
Just one word
Or is that too
Demanding
Unreasonable
Needy
Expecting too much
Of one so loved as you
Silence is louder now
Do you hear it?
Thick
Oppressing
Tangible
Or am I only imagining
Your disinterest

What the hell…I’m on invisible

My Epiphany

Wouldn't it be wonderful to lose control
Just because

To run naked through the streets in the pouring rain
To dance in the puddles a long buried dance
That my childish heart once created
And feel no shame for my lack of talent or beauty

To shout your name and words unutterable from my rooftop
And bear no fear of the consequences or of rejection

To jump off this merry-go-round that is my life
And not give a moment's thought as to whether
I'll still be standing when I touch down

To let go of my tightly clenched fists
And relish the feeling of complete release;
The wind running through my fingers...
And not give a damn as to whether
What I thought I had been holding would ever be returned to me

To dip my toes into the ocean of experience
And for once decide to dive in -- fully clothed
Enjoying the sensation without struggling to stay afloat.

To let myself unabashedly weep in front of you
Not being ashamed of letting you see my softer side

To say exactly what is written in my heart
Without proof-reading first for what could be construed....
And not replay what's been said or kick myself
For my honesty and lack of eloquence

Wouldn't it be wonderful to lose control.....just because I can